Saturday, May 28, 2011

Penis Jokes in Mali

The other night, a group of us were hanging by the corner store chatting and this guy, Kasim, the local playboy comes by and all of a sudden, someone busted out a penis joke! I gasped and gaped because I couldn't believe that they were openly talking about sex. This culture is so hush-hush about things and I was told that it's never talked about in mixed company, but here it was. I understood everything that they were saying too, which was really cool and really funny! They dogged this boy out on his size and I even joined in on the heckling. It was a great moment in cultural understanding!

Secret Admirer

The other day, I found some really pretty flowers wrapped around my door knob. It was a really sweet gesture, so I asked my family who had placed them there and they said that didn't know! Who could it be???

Being Selfish to Survive

Along with the privacy of my nyegen, my house, my hangar and my bike, I realize that my American and PC enforced standards have me being perceived as selfish. I don't think of my self as a selfish person, but in this environment it's kind of necessary for me to be.

Malians have told me that they expect Westerners to give them things. And it's fine to give things to help others, but there's a point when giving too much becomes a handicap. This idea is one thing that separates PC from other NGOs. I'm totally about that tough love and teaching people to defend for themselves, but with my family I feel I've been too tough.

They give me so much, openly, but with me being one person, I feel like I can't do the same. It would not only be financially, but emotionally-draining as well. And whenever I think of buying something for one particular person, I would have to buy something for multiple people and I don't want to, so I don't buy for anyone. Sometimes, I just buy for everyone, but I don't want that to become a habit or expectation.

It's tiring to have to think like this! Why does it have to be this complicated? For example, when I went to Italy, I wanted to buy gifts for Adama, Moussa, Rokia, Yacouba and my homologue, because they take care of me. And I was spending Euros on these gifts, which was expensive. But, I couldn't buy them things without buying for the grandpa, grandma and the loathsome, Aissata. I reaaaaally didn't want to buy a gift for Aissata, but I had to because it would be seen as an insult (even though I really wanted to insult her, I decided to fight her with kindness) to buy for one of Yacouba's wives and not the other. It's so annoying.

Even if I buy for myself a small bag of peanuts, I can't just keep them to myself if I eat outside. So, I hide inside my hot house just so I can eat my bag of peanuts.
In Mali, it's not acceptable for one to work hard for their money to buy themselves and their family something. You work hard so that you can buy your family and yourself something. It's about the group before the individual. Americans don't really operate like that. I see this as a good and bad thing and this is why I'm perceived as selfish.

Another Toubab/Segregation Issues???

So, my host dad told me that he'll be hosting a Canadian woman, from this NGO called, SUCO, for the next three-months. She'll be here sometime in June and I don't know how I feel about this. One, it would be cool to have another Westerner here in my family compound, who most probably speaks English. I could teach her a lot of the things that I've learned over the past 10-months. It could be fun, but I'm also worried about being treated differently by my family with another Toubab here.

My host dad has already asked me if the newbie could share my nyegen and initally I said yes, but I'm starting to wish that I had said no. It's PC regulation that my nyegen should not be used by anyone else, but there have been instances when my family has used my nyegen, without asking, and I've called them out on it and even called PC. So, if I allow this newbie to use it, what message does that send to my family? It'll totally be promoting segregation, because it's me saying that "This Westerner can use my nyegen, but you're Malian, so you can't." And why? The belief would be that I think that they are dirty.

But, it honestly makes sense for the girl to use my nyegen because there are so many people here and they don't want to inconvenience a guest. What to do, what to do???

Test-taking

During this week, the 10th and 11th form classes are taking their final exams. I decided to be a test-monitor and get the goods on the cheating ways of Malian students......and I'm bored. With such large classrooms and not enough lazy teachers, it's sooooo easy for these kids to cheat! But, cheating is having the answer given to them, and according to my teacher-friend, Abdoulay, the African-mindset, not just Malian, is that they should be given things. I really don't understand where that comes from, when Malians live such a hard life, but I find it to be fact.

Oh, but before I get off track, these students think they are so slick. They must've gotten by with these tactics for years with their teachers, but I'm a behavioral scientist. There's nothing these kids could get past me. I took away many cell phones, cheat sheets, headphones, seperated kids. These fools had nothing on me and the real teachers were missing all of this. Like, do they care? I told one teacher to take away someones cell phone and he told me that that was a great idea! Huh?! Duh!
It's almost like, the teachers just want the kids to get by. Well, I know that's not true, but test-taking needs to be taken more seriously and catching cheating is about teaching discipline and respect for oneself and others.

I don't know what the rules are about cheating, except that it's wrong, but what are the consequences? I grew up with threats of detention, suspension, expulsion, marks on my permanent record and law-suits. There's a reason for having these consequences, because cheating is not acceptable. It shows bad character.

God....thank you

I'm seriously beginning to wonder if this land is cursed. You can never get a break here! I'm always combatting something; taking medication and vitamins, putting on coats of sunblock and itching cream, swatting flies, mosquitoes. And just when I think that things are getting better with the rains coming, I now have to watch out for scorpions the size of my hand, porcupines and snakes, who also want to enjoy the cooler weather. How can all of these troublesome things be in one place and then to add the stress of poverty on top of it all? It's not fair. With all the things that I have to deal with each day, I can't help but thank God for giving me life and strength and a better life in America.

Back from vacay!

The weather is changing again. The mango-rains have begun and hot-season is at its last bout. I missed about 1/4 of the hot-season while I vacationed in Italy. I had a great time! I ate excellent food, used a flushing-toilet everyday, ate ice cream everyday, saw all types of people of different colors, didn't see any trash piles or dirt, I felt clean for long periods of the day. It was like being back in America.

One thing that I noticed in the beginning of my journey is my expectations of men were different. As I was standing in lines at the Bamako airport, I felt that I had to be on my guard with men trying to cut me, because I'm a woman. I guess it was my awareness, that men in this country believe they are superior to women, that caught me off-gaurd.

But, as I left the African-continent and entered Europe, that feeling quickly faded as men offered me seats on buses and trains and offered me their spots in line. Not that this doesn't happen to me in Mali, but it's quite rare for a Malian-man, who's not trying to hit-on you, to behave in this way.

Where does chivalry come from? Why did it not affect Malian men? Why don't the women demand it?