Home-life/I finally have brothers!

Seli (Malian-Easter)

The Malian Psyche/Verbal Abuse

I wish that I knew more about the history of Malian people. What was society like before Islamic influence? Were women treated any differently? Better or worse? I can't stand the way that Moussa treats Adama. If she were my wife, she'd be treated like a queen! She does so much for him. One night, I got so fed up as he thanked everyone, including me for the meal we had eaten, and I had done nothing that day! I said, "Moussa, you didn't thank your wife," and he then turned to Adama, with a forced smile, and thanked her and she returned the forced smile. I really wonder what their marriage is like behind closed doors. On another note, there's always a lot of yelling and barking of demands in the family dynamic here among the women and children. And, I wonder if all this pent up steam is from stress caused by the men. I especially feel bad for the young girls here who are constantly being ordered around all day by the older girls and mothers. There's no real courtesy around here, no "please" or "thank you" and I refuse to take demands from anyone without a "please" or "thank you," unless they're my respected elders. The wives treat the younger women and girls in the same way that the men treat their wives. It's like a vicious cycle and I wonder what the average mental health state is on a whole? How does this mistreatment at home effect the youth's school performance? Are they treated any differently in the schools than at home? Shoot, just a moment ago, my younger sister told me to come "toh fasa" (beat the toh mixture). I don't even eat toh, but I wouldn't mind helping if she were more courteous and if she would ask her male friend, who's just sitting looking at me, to help her too. Another thing that gets on my nerves is people constantly saying your name until they get your attention. Maybe, they're not answering you for a reason, but their name will keep being called until they answer. Again, maybe this is attributed to the no sense of real privacy here. No wonder the females are always smacking their lips, someone is always getting on their nerves.

Fishbowl

I've been stared at a lot during my time here in Mali, but yesterday, I went on a walk and the staring was a little overwhelming. I don't like a lot of attention, especially compliments to my looks. It's also different getting all of this black-male attention, when where I come from, most black men want nothing to do with a black woman. But, this attention I'm getting is because I'm not considered black, because I'm not African and I'm exotic looking. Every guy wants to marry me and every girl wants to look like me. It is so weird to be in this position, as an object of desire, and one of my personal goals is to help my sisters embrace their darker features. How can I do that? Any suggestions?

Black women and their hair

In preparing to come to Mali, as a Black woman, one of things I had a concern about is what I would do with my hair for the next two years. However, my mom reminded me that I was going to the Motherland and there would be people who could do my hair. But, the richness in nappy hair knowledge and creativity is nowhere near thhe level that I expected here in Mali. I've only seen five basic styles here: varying styles of cornrows, extension braids, sew-ins and those nubian ball-things. The other day, I unbraided my hair and let it hang loose. I thought it looked cute, but my sisters were saying I looked like a crazy woman. But, I've learned that the concept of beauty here is still heavily chained by the European mindset. Whereas in America, Black women are breaking those chains and reclaiming their roots; learning how to maintain their natural hair and seeing the true beauty in African hair. So, as soon as I was done unbraiding, the first thing my sisters asked me is "What am I going to do with my hair?" and "Who's going to re-braid it?" I thought it looked cute, I even took a picture. My brothers looked at my hair in awe and they called me, Janet Jackson (Hahaha!), I took that as a compliment. However, my sister, Adama, could not have a crazy looking American on her hands, so she called up her hair braiding-friend in Bamako and set a date for the next day. There were other women getting their hair braided at her friend's house and when I walked in they all stared in awe at my hair and they asked me why I don't get it relaxed. What they don't know is that for years, my hair was relaxed until just about a year ago and it hasn't felt heat in about 3 months and I'm loving my natural hair! I asked my sister if she likes her natural hair, she said yes. I then proceeded to ask why she wears synthetic hair, and she said because it's long and pretty. I asked her if she thought her natural hair was pretty, she said yes, but she prefers the synthetic hair. I then asked two other woman the same thing and I got the same response. I know it's going to take a long time, but I hope that one day, my African sisters will accept their hair and take pride in it.

Prejudice

9/28/10

This morning, God gave me the perfect opportunity to do my laundry. The weather was overcast and there was a pleasant breeze. I told my sisters that today was the day I would do my laundry, and immediately, they told me to stop as I was going to draw my water and they ordered one of my sisters to get it. After she drew my water, I went to wash my clothes, but they told me to stop, and another sister came to scrub my clothes! Gosh! When are they going to let me do stuff for myself? I know I shouldn't be complaining, but this special treatment is a little too much for my humble spirit. Everyone gives up their seat for me when I enter the room, even the older women. It's too much! They get up and say "I sigi," and I say it right back to them insisting that they stay seated. They really don't expect me to do anything on my own. Back to doing my laundry, the only clean clothes I had left were a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. They already call me a "Clairo." I've also been called "Djeneba, la rouge," "Djeneba, la claire," but when they saw my even lighter legs, all Hell broke loose and the Tubab-chant began. I've never had so much attention drawn to the color of my skin and I wonder if the special treatment I'm receiving is based more on my skin color or the fact that I'm a guest? Sadly, I think it's the former. My sister, then gave me a tafe (skirt wrap) and told me it's bad for me to wear shorts. I asked her why men are allowed to wear shorts, but women cannot. She explained that married women can't wear shorts, but unmarried women can. So, then I asked her why I couldn't wear shorts and she said it's basically because of my lighter skin and to protect me from violent men. Of course, I knew all of this, but I wanted to hear her reasoning. Even though what she said is a little prejudice, I knew this was coming from a good heart. Every time I step out the house, I have men that want to marry me and she has had to tell-off a few guys in my defense. I wonder what the rape rate is here and if there are laws against it? And if there are, are they really enforced in such a male-dominated society?

Today was the day that Adama was going to take her college entrance exam. Me, Adama, our brother Jakari and baby Dawa caught a citromen into As we were traveling, I asked Adama if where we were going to eat lunch, and she said a restaurant called, Amadine's and a friend was meeting us there. I knew the place very well and I was really excited because they serve Western-food! Once we arrived at the restaurant, I proceeded to walk in and order. I was starving and so as we waited for her friend, I ordered a hamburger that was 1,800 CFA (about $2.75). I looked over at Adama and Jak and asked what they were going to get. They only ordered drinks, because it was too expensive. I offered to buy them something to eat, but they refused. I was really confused because Adama was the one who suggested the restaurant. I should've said "Okay, let's go eat somewhere else," but Adama told me to go ahead and get something, while we waited for her friend, and they would get something afterward. As soon as I got my burger, I felt awful. I should've been less selfish and more assertive in suggesting we go somewhere else. The look on Adama's face was painful to look at. She looked angry and somewhat disgusted and I asked her what was wrong and she said that she was upset that her friend was late. She was probably thinking, "Look at this rich Tubab spending so much money on food!" She was on the phone with her friend a few times asking him where he was, so her story was somewhat believeable, but I don't think that was the only reason she was upset. This was the first time that I've put a line between us. A line that is so hard to cross. I offered some of my burger, but she said that she didn't like hamburgers. However, she kept asking me what it was that I ordered and how much it cost, so I knew that she couldn't know if she liked it or not. I didn't want to tell her the cost, but she kept asking, so I told her. I felt like a real douche. Later, I apologized because I felt so bad, but I was also upset that she suggested that WE eat there when she knew she couldn't afford it! So, it wasn't completely my fault, but I still felt awful. Now I know that I should just stick to doing Western-type things with my Western friends no matter if my Malian friends say that it's okay. Even though, my family is more well-off than others, they still don't have 1,800 CFA to spend on eating. This was my first real faux-pas.