Monday, April 4, 2011

I can't stand girls (I know, I'm one of them)

I never thought this would happen, but I am mad at Adama. She's been acting so weird/distant. I noticed it awhile ago, maybe around the time when I was having a fit over my house back in January. She's been talking to me, but she hasn't been telling me things and she hasn't been inviting me places and I don't why.

I mean, I'm a pretty polite person. I know how to say my "thank you's," and whenever I feel that I've offended someone, I try my best to apologize because I don't want any unnecessary drama. And I value my space, so I try to give people there's as well. So, I'm pretty sure it's not something I did, maybe it's something I'm not doing?
Lately, I've noticed her getting more fed up with me not knowing Bambara. And I admit, I've been a bit lazy with learning it mainly because I didn't have an environment to learn in. Also, learning languages is a bit difficult for me here because everything is done outside and it's always so loud. Also, I do live in a different world than her. I mean, I work outside of the house (sometimes), I have my own money and men treat me differently, so maybe there's some jealousy there too.

But, what really tipped me off to something being wrong is that she didn't invite me to three events in village during the past month. The first time, her husband Mousa asked me why I didn't go to some marriage. I said, no one told me there was one. And when Adama came back, he called her out on not inviting me. Then, she fakely invited and I said that I would go later with someone who had invited me. But, once we went, it was over.

The second time was for another marriage. Adama went with my other host mom, Rokia. I went with my host sister, Maima, who had invited me along. The third time, was for a baptism. This time, Adama went twice with Rokia and neither of them invited me to go! What the heck?! I was doing nothing all day and not once did they mention a baptism to me. And when I went later, this time by myself, the hosts asked me why I didn't come this afternoon. I told them that no one invited me along.

Like, how is that supposed to make me feel? I would never do that to my stagiere from another country. I'm already alone here, but to suddenly feel alone in the family I've been living with for months, just isn't right. And when Maima asked me why I didn't go to the baptism before, I said it was because Adama didn't invite me to go. I think I even heard my host dad ask Adama and Rokia why they didn't invite me. I consider it rude and inconsiderate and maybe I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Now there's just tension and neither of us wants to be the one to break the silence. Except, I do greet her and thank her for the food she serves me, because I'm not rude like that. What's going on?

At laaaaaast, my house has come around

Guess what! On April 2nd 2011, I finally moved into the house that I've been awaiting so patiently. As soon as I made a move, my little host siblings made a big motion and gathered up all my things in 20 minutes! If you're ever in a hurry to move somewhere, just hire a moving crew of Malian kids, lol.

I now have three-rooms spacious green and white rooms that I can walk around in, even naked if I wanted to, why? Because they're mine! It's so beautiful. I have a salon, my bedroom and a kitchen/storage room. And in all three rooms, I have electricity. They even hooked up electricity on the ceiling if I wanted to purchase ceiling fans! But, with me going to Italy in 12-days, I don't have a lot of extra cash floating around.

However, with the cash I have, I will purchase a floor-fan, cooking ware, eating utensils, and shelves for my many books and clothes. I have so much stuff to buy. Maybe, I should start a new project called "Ya'll-screwed-me-over-for-the-first-7-months-of-my-stay-so-you-should-buy-me-things-fund." Kidding. I think that if it hadn't been for this, I would not have enough money for my trip, so thank God!

Life

Sometimes, it's hard for me to realize that this African-experience is real. Not to say that I'm going crazy (although sometimes I feel that is the case), but things are so different here. And then, something happens that pulls me back in.

For example, yesterday, Dawa took her first steps! It was so beautiful to see her up on her feet and walking 5 feet at-a-time! And I cheered for her, and I could tell that she knew I was proud of her and she just gave me the greatest smile. It was at this point that I was drawn back to reality. Even though I may feel that this is a dream, it's moments like these that remind me that life, my life, is happening here.

Boredom Can Spark New Ideas!

So, I'm getting bored. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting on funding for my Career Day and my library committee is still working on a budget. I'm also thinking about what the heck I'm gonna do during the summer-months when school is out. I'm scared, because I'll be even more bored, so I gotta find something to preoccupy myself.

Therefore, I'm thinking about getting more aquainted with my local health clinic. It's called a CSCOM. I think it stands for Community Health Center and Outpatient Maternity (?). And those who know me , know that I've always had a strong interest in health issues. I'd really like to learn more about why African health care is so poor.

What are their daily practices? What kind of training does the staff have? What is their pay? What is the patient to doctor ratio? What are the sanitation standards? How do patients pay for the medical services? Is there any health education involved with treatment? How is AIDS perceived here? What are the medical superstitions/bush medicines that people believe? I have sooooooo many questions and I'm really excited to start having new conversations and new things to share with you all.

Hair Venting

So as I live and grow in Mali, my hair is also growing without being permed every 4-6 weeks and I'm loving it! But, as always, I've got haters telling me I need to get my hair braided or cut. I'm like, "What the heck? Why? Do you not like my hair,?" and my haters are like, "No, I like your hair, but you need to get it braided or cut. But, why?

Finally, the other day, a girl gave me a reason to this madness: she said, "You should get it braided because everyone else has their hair braided," Aha! This opened up a whole new issue on the mentality of people here, especially women. In this culture, appearance is everything, especially if you don't have anything going for you, then it really is everything. And what's really interesting is that these women don't mind looking like the next woman.

Yesterday, I went to a wedding and it really surprised me that half of the women in-attendance were wearing the same fabric. That would never happen at home, unless you're in the marriage party, a sorority, a family reunion or bar/bat mitzvah.
Being different is somewhat more encouraged where I grew up and this is a big difference between me and Malian women. Uniqueness is a good thing. This is what America was built on: daredevils. So, it takes bravery to be oneself and this seems to be lacking here.

Tell Me Who I Am, Who I Am

A person's race is an interesting subject. It's frustrating enough trying to figure what a person's character is, but to add the question of genetics is another twist to the mystery of someone. "What are you?" Well, what exactly does that mean? I answer, "African-American," but then people ask, "What country in Africa are your parents from?" My response, "I don't know," I receive puzzling looks.

I then give a summarized version of African-slavery in America. Then they say, "You don't look African," what does that mean? You can't tell by looking at someone what their place of origin is. But then I ask myself, "Am I African-American?" Just because I have darker skin and coarser hair, doesn't mean I'm "African-American," I'm an American, who's Black.

So, then I say, "I'm Black-American," but they say that I'm not Black, because my skin isn't as dark as theirs and my hair is not as nappy and I dress and act differently. So, then I tell them that my ancestors come from many places, including Africa, and this is why I look the way that I do and my culture is different. Then, they're confused why I call myself "Black". And a few months later, they'll ask me again, "What are you?" If Africans don't even think I'm Black, then what am I?

What is Black? This is a question the world has been asking for so long, because we're such a unique race with so many different colors, hair types, bone structures. We're sweet, too sweet to comprehend, even among ourselves (lol).

Cynicsm

I'm making plans for my house now. It's finished! It's over-due (again) by almost three weeks, but I now have a place to call home. I guess I should just keep reminding myself that I'm in Mali and keep my expectations low. Though, it's sad that I have to think that way. One thing that I've heard about PCVs is that those who serve in South America become politically active/aware, those who serve in Eastern Europe become alcoholics and those who serve in Africa become cynical.
I'm starting to see some truth in that statement. Typically, I'm an optimist, I still am, but I'm becoming more of a realist duriing my time in Mali. I believe that anyone can make a difference in this world, but if they don't want to, then nothing will be changed. I'm sure I'm not the first to ask this question, but "How can the African-mindset be changed?"

Or, should it even be changed? Maybe this is the way it should be to keep order in the world. I'm definitely sure I'm not the first Westerner to think that, because it is so hard to work in Africa. Westerners are used to a faster pace of things and believe that "time is money," but that concept doesn't really exist here.
However, the beauty in that nonexistance is that there is more time for people. Even though I'm not always a fan, I understand the reasoning that people are important (lol). But sometimes, they have to realize that they are in a meeting room with a lot of people who are trying to get home. You can't take 10 minutes to greet the average-Mousa who just walked in, even if he is your best friend! I don't see this behavior changing at all, because it's ingrained in them.

Another issue is the mindset in education. I know I've already touched on this, so I'll just say a short statement about it. Most students go to school and sit, copy, sit, go home, eat, sleep, go back to school, sit, copy, sit, go home, do things, might have homework to do, but no studying is done. No real learning is done, only memorization from what I can see. How can this change? I don't see it changing...........

I'm such a cynic.